5AM

I have a love hate relationship with 5am!

I hate it because it’s way too early to be up. However, Carter seems to love waking up at 5. He has done so every morning for the last 6 weeks or so. Don’t get me wrong, I know that I am sooo lucky that he sleeps for so long. Especially since he then eats and goes back to sleep until 7. My problem is that I can not get back to sleep after I get woken up. It’s like my body got so use to such little sleep that now it feels well rested after 6-7 hours. I’ve tried to go to bed earlier but that is even worse as I wake up earlier and can’t back to sleep!

I love 5am because it is one of my favourite times with Carter. When I go in to get him he starts shaking with excitement, lets out a little shriek and gives me the biggest smile! Then while I change him he rests his little right hand on my arm and leaves it there the whole time. I have to admit that I awkwardly change him as I don’t want to move my arm out of his reach. I love the feeling of his soft, dry hand on my arm (during the day it’s covered in slober - his and Pancho’s!). Then while I nurse him he closes his eyes and he is so peaceful. In the last few weeks he’s gotten so interested in everything else going on, that we rarely have a moment like this. He always falls asleep while nursing at this time but many nights I continue to hold him in my arms and just rock him.

For the last 4 nights we have just given Carter his soother at 5am and he has gone back to sleep without eating. Again, my love hate relationship continues. I love it because full nights of sleep seem so close I could touch them. But I hate it because it means I don’t get those peaceful moments with my baby. I know that he will continue to need me and we will have many other wonderful moments together. However, I will definitely miss our time together at 5am.