To The Woman Who Can't Have Children...

To the woman who can't have children,

I know who you are. I can tell by the way you look at my boys. 

I am lucky enough to have kids who are almost always well behaved at the grocery store. Not something I take credit for, as I'm pretty sure they are just shy enough to not feel comfortable losing their shit in front of strangers. Because of this, we usually get a lot a smiles from strangers while we are there. These are very distinct smiles, that say a lot. 

There is the 'so cute, but please don't let them come near me' smiles. These are usually from young women. These women haven't even thought about deciding whether they want children or not. They think children are cute, but also gross, and that if they are touched by one they just might catch something. 

There is the 'so cute, but I still don't want one' smiles. These are from woman who have decided that children are not for them. These woman are glad that I've had children, because someone has to, but they don't understand the appeal. Sleeping, traveling, working, and reading are much more appealing then changing bums, listening to whining, and drying tears to these women. 

There is the 'so cute, I can't wait until I have my own' smiles. These are from woman who know they do want children and they are planning on having them soon, or are currently expecting. These woman still won't get too close, as they aren't quite sure what to do or say. But they can't wait to figure it out, with their own children. 

There is the 'so cute, but I know what they are probably like at home' smiles. These are from other mothers of young children. They appreciate how lucky I am that my children are behaving in that moment, but they are also fully aware that they are no angels. These woman know that at some point in the next few minutes, or hours if I'm lucky, one of these cute boys are going to make me want to pull my hair out. 

There is also the 'so cute, appreciate every moment' smiles. These are from woman of grown children. These woman have forgotten the hard times of raising small children. They only remember the smiles, kisses, cuddles, and good times. These woman will squeeze my boys cheeks or tickle them without a second thought. They may also add in a "cherish every moment," making me want to ask them how I'm supposed to do that when they are hitting each other or doing the exact opposite of what I ask them to do. 

Then there is your smile. I'm not even going to pretend that I know what you are thinking or feeling. But I know what I see in your smile. I see a little sadness, but mostly I see love. I see love that is only reserved for a child. A child you should have been able to have. 

You need to know something. Your love isn't totally wasted. I remember your love when I feel like I don't have anymore of my own to give. When I am at my wits end, ready to pull my hair out, or feel like I want to run away and never look back, I remember your love and I pass it on to my boys. I hug them when I feel like screaming. I cuddle them when I'd rather be in bed sleeping. I stop and appreciate the small things instead of wishing time away. 

Sometimes I forget these things, but it never takes long for me to remember you. I remember that you would do anything for children of your own and that it's wrong of me not to appreciate how truly blessed I am. I have to thank you for that. And my boys would thank you for that too if they knew that they are loved extra because of you.